Initially, at the news of having twins....at the realization that I'd have 4 kids ages: 2, 1, and two newborns, I wanted Chip to go get a vasectomy immediately.
It would be perfect. We'd have our 4 kids. He'd have things all taken care of. I'd give birth and we'd never have to think about or pray about or discuss the baby-making side of sex ever again. We could do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted and everything would be happy and wonderful. No more wondering if breastfeeding was "working". No more thinking about possibly having to put "barriers" between us. This was gonna be good.
I figured he'd have the vasectomy while I was pregnant and he'd be good and cleaned out by the time any fertility might return on my end.
Chip wanted to hold off, though. His reasons were good. I was pregnant with twins. Because there were two, I was automatically labeled high risk. The chances of something going wrong were higher. So he thought it would be best to wait and see....to make sure the babies were born on time and healthy and that things went well. I couldn't argue with that.
So instead, we'd wait until RIGHT after they were born. I knew that everything I'd read on vasectomies said you have to use "back-up" for 6 weeks. We were both pretty confident that breastfeeding twins would be a good enough "back-up", at least for the first 6 months. So he'd just have to go within the first couple months and we'd be able to avoid condoms and the like. Hurray.
So February rolled around. And my baby boys were here. Emerson Earl and Cason Roy were born and a beautiful birth it was.
We went home. And things were crazy.....but not as crazy as I'd expected. And it was tiring....but not as tiring as I'd expected. Jesus was providing...in so so many ways.
And when they were a few weeks old, the vasectomy was mentioned. Nothing was set in stone. No appointments were made. It was simply mentioned....a "we need to do that sometime" type of thing. No deep discussion. There was no question. Just a simple statement.
And out of nowhere I was sad. Not just a little bit sad. But deeply and overwhelmingly sad. It consumed my thoughts and it interrupted my sleep. And I was so confused.
Here I was. 24 years old. 4 kids...all of them babies, really. This was what I'd always wanted. This was what we'd always planned. Just a few short months before I was planning out the best day for him to go and get things "taken care of".
So I now had this problem. I was deeply saddened and overly anxious and questioning something I KNEW I wanted...I wanted to be DONE. How in the world could we possibly have ANOTHER baby?
NOT ONLY did we have 4 kids ages 2 and under BUT...we also had a minivan that seated 6 (and there were 6 of us)....not a whole lot of money.....and a 900sq ft condo. More kids?! More?! Was I going completely insane?
But I knew what I'd do and it was a fail-proof plan. I'd talk to Chip. I KNEW he wouldn't go for it. He hadn't even known if he wanted 4 kids. There was NO WAY he'd go for 5. But he was the head of the household. And I'm a good submissive wife. And so it would be my way out. I'd still be sad, but I'd be doing the right thing. I'd be opening up. I'd be honest about my feelings. And then I'd graciously submit and pray that God would give me peace. PERFECT!
So I talked to Chip. And to my horror and amazement, he said he could totally see us having another baby. WHAT?!
So now, I knew two things: 1. We were BOTH completely insane. and 2. It HAD to be from God. There was no other explanation. There still isn't. ME wanting another baby...ME wanting more kicks and wiggles in my belly....that isn't all that surprising. But Chip?! Yeah. It was God. 100%
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