Sometime between that first diaphragm fitting appointment that didn't happen and the day the doctor's office called me back a few weeks later to reschedule, we decided to change plans again.
At that point, I didn't like the idea of a diaphragm. I don't know why. It just seemed unnatural and uncomfortable and I hated the idea that I'd have to "cap things off" each night just in case we wanted to be together. It didn't go together in my head. It still doesn't, really, even though I don't think it is "wrong" per say.
And so, I decided maybe we should just have our three kids close and be done with it. I was really sad...I had always wanted 4 kids. But I KNEW that would be too much work. Chip's parents had stopped after having 3 close together...it was too much to handle. And my parents took a break after 2...waiting to have me and my younger sister. My mom needed to rest.
Chip and I talked about it and we decided that maybe things would be different, but that we didn't need to decide about 3 or 4 right then. Chip reassured me that we could "see how things go". We'd have our 3rd close together, and then we'd see...maybe we could have a 4th close together too.
I was relieved. And thankful. Thankful that my husband was wise enough to see that we didn't have to have it all planned out. We could give ourselves some wiggle room. There was flexibility in The Plan.
And so....we continued to let things run their course and I was at peace.
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