Trying To Figure It All Out

I am starting this blog to document the journey I find myself on during this process of sanctification.

I find myself thinking about our purpose here on earth and if my life reflects the things I say I believe. God is constantly using prayer, the Bible, other believers, and His Holy Spirit to challenge me and change me.

Lately, He has grabbed my attention quite firmly and relentlessly on the issue of birth control and family size. Ultimately, though, I am realizing more and more that while He is using this specific issue to "grab my attention" that what He is really doing is causing me to stop and really take a look at my life. He is causing me to think and re-think and evaluate and discuss and read and seek Him on some areas of life that I have chosen to be comfortable and somewhat "safe" on before this time.

Ultimately, what He is teaching me overall, is that while I KNOW that I should be seeking Him, trusting Him and trying to glorify Him and Him alone in ALL areas of my life and while I know that I fail at this miserably, that there are some areas He is calling me to specifically examine which will quite possibly change my worldview and my view of Him quite significantly.

I am writing all of this because I want to document this journey. I want to write to process. I want to write to be able to see the ways I've changed and to see how God continues to change me. And I want to write to challenge other and hopefully encourage others to be seeking Him entirely in everything.

I have not come close to figuring all of this out. I do not claim to have it all figured out. But I am growing and changing and learning to seek God and trust Him in new ways.

Like I said earlier, this search started as I found myself questioning birth control, but as questions arose in my mind about this topic and I sought out answers, it quickly turned into a much broader journey, challenging my thoughts and beliefs in several other areas as well.

Here is a list (not comprehensive, but I will add as more come up) of questions. I am trying to put them in the order that they come to my mind. I realize that some of them need clarification and some of them lead to multiple OTHER questions. This is part of what this blog is for, a place that I can hopefully separate the issues and look at what I believe about them and then seek to apply what I believe in my life.

So....how my mind is working...remember, these are MY questions for OUR FAMILY....myself and my husband. The initial question I sat down to figure out was:
* What are the Biblical reasons and arguments to support "permanent birth control" (tubal ligation, vasectomy)?
From there:
* Why are we considering permanent birth control?
* Are these reasons Biblically based and are our hearts in the right place? Do these reasons glorify God and make Him pleased? What do these reasons show about our beliefs?
* What does the Bible say and what do I believe about God's role in procreation?
* What does the Bible say and what do I believe about our responsibility as well as God's role in providing for our needs and the needs of our children?
* What are our needs? Are my views of needs vs wants shaped by the Bible or by our society?
* What do I believe about contentment? Am I actively living out this belief?
* What does the Bible say about wealth and enjoying blessings?
* What does the Bible say about our responsibilities and using the wisdom He has given to us?
* What do I believe about the sovereignty of God and what does it look like to actively live this belief out?

I hope to be able to use this blog to organize these thoughts somewhat and share what I am wrestling with and the "conclusions" I am coming to. I use that term loosely, as God is showing me quite strongly that while I am (and ALL who confess that Jesus is Lord and believe in their hearts that God raised him from the dead are) being sanctified, He will constantly be growing us and shaping us, causing our "conclusions" and convictions to be changing and transforming as well.

At the same time, we HAVE to make choices in our lives based on what we believe. Even though I KNOW that I am still so very far from where I need to be, I have to make the best decisions I can with the current knowledge and convictions I hold.

The interesting thing, is that when believers hold different convictions, it can cause us to become defensive and ultimately unnecessarily divided. Ultimately, I believe that the most important thing is the condition of our hearts. I believe that we are called to be actively seeking God's will in ALL areas of our lives, and looking at the deeper questions behind what motives are driving our decisions and actions.

Please know that I write all of this in light of MY OWN LIFE. I am not trying to figure out your beliefs for you or hold you to my current convictions. I WOULD however challenge you to examine your own heart in these areas. I am confident that there will be Christians who are across the board on some of these issues and that holding a different view does not make us more or less "saved".

The amazing thing is that we are ALL sinners and none of us are even close to having it all right and figured out. Ultimately the only way we really please God in anything at all is because we are covered by the righteousness of Christ, through His blood and death and burial and ultimately the resurrection.

But we still have to make choices. We still have to make decisions and live our lives. God gives us the tools to do these things and once our heart has been changed, it is our desire to glorify Him and live "set apart" from this world. The hard part is figuring out what the looks like and then doing it, especially since it will look differently for every believer.